trying to find comfort within the craziness... good luck to me!

Have you ever been surrounded with screaming teenagers that are asking you a million questions? The other day I sat on the landing on the top of our stairwell and had at least 5 girls asking me a questions (btw, these questions are all asked at the same time). Can I come in? Can I go up? Can I attach to you? What time is PE? Why did you give me consequences? Can we go to Mc Donald's? Can you monitor my aerobic,? etc, etc.... And if they do not get a response they will ask the question again but the next time they make sure they are heard by asking it LOUDER (aka yelling). 

So, this was my response to them... 

"Ok, today after school we will take one little at a time and put you in a room with 8 Bigs, we will then all start asking you questions at the same time."

A little responded to me, "Well then I'll just ignore you guys." 

I smiled and said, "Then we will just start saying it louder and LOUDER until we get the answer we were looking for."

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Yes this was all done in jest but a part of me definitely wants to do that just to prove my point. (Mom, you must think this is funny)

So, I am a 24 year old mother to 14 teenagers... And I am now processing conversations they way my mom would, ahhhhhh... In this process of becoming a mom I have come to find out that I am a Hover mom. You might ask, Tracy, what IS a hover mom? Well that is the mom that tries to protect their kids from consequences. I say stuff like, don't forget to do your chore, make sure your midriff is covered, did you forget to ask me something... What's happening to me?! Every Monday we have a counseling class where we talk about our conversations with the littles and the counselors analyze them. It is so helpful but also a pain to hear how we should handle things differently. 

So, what have I learned: TRACY, SHUT-UP AND LET THEM FAIL!

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Anywhoo, time is starting to fly by here, I have now been here for almost 7 weeks (this Wednesday).  This place is insane, & in the midst of the insanity, frustration, and constantly having your weaknesses thrown in your face; I actually like it here... I can't believe I said it out loud. I would definitely say that this place is crazy but there are awesome places to find some comfort.

here is a little something that brought me comfort this week...

Isaiah 41:10-13

"But you, O Israel, my servant,
       Jacob, whom I have chosen,
       you descendants of Abraham my friend,
 ⁹ I took you from the ends of the earth,
       from its farthest corners I called you.
       I said, 'You are my servant';
       I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
 ¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you;
       do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
       I will strengthen you and help you;
       I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
 ¹¹ "All who rage against you
       will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
       those who oppose you
       will be as nothing and perish.
 ¹² Though you search for your enemies,
       you will not find them.
       Those who wage war against you
       will be as nothing at all.
 ¹³ For I am the LORD, your God,
       who takes hold of your right hand
       and says to you, Do not fear;
       I will help you.

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Miss you all. PEACE!

Sleepless in Branson...

Tracy = exhausted! This past week has been a week of craziness. Here are a few sayings of the week, starting off with the most used:

1. I'm so frustrated

2. The children are coming, (followed by screaming)

3. I'm tired

4. I don't think I can do this

This is hard, extremely hard, but in the midst of the craziness, exhaustion, and frustration there will be moments that blow me away. I will have a conversation with a little or a big or someone else on staff that just reminds me of why I am here. I am constantly encouraged by the other bigs and house directors (girls that run the house) that have sacrificed a year + to this ministry. I look to the women and men that surround me and see exhaustion and frustration but I also see passion, love and perseverance. We rely on each other for laughter, a listening ear, and just to make light of the craziness. Without the them this year would seem hopeless.

Fond memory of 'making light of the craziness':

Yesterday was a ROUGH day! After lunch Sarah Connor (a big) and I went back to the house to chill. We were sitting around, fill with frustration and slap happiness (if you will), when Connor said, "I feel like wrestling someone!" So I took her up on that challenge and thinking since I grew up with brothers I would take her down instantly. Five seconds later we were wrestling in the middle our empty house laughing hysterically. It only lasted about 30 seconds because that is how fast it took her to pin me, yes me. Feeling like we needed more to get out our frustration, we headed over to the boys house and punched their punching bag for about 10 minutes. It was so great just laughing together and releasing some energy. To you all at home this might sound strange but it was so much fun getting that out!

I miss you all so much and think about you all constantly.

Here is a pic of all the girl and guy bigs, they are some of the amazing peeps that make being here sooooo much better: Deana says, "HI!" she is the one in the very front looking up.

Love ya.

Hello Hello Hello....

So I have now been in the Show Me State for 28 days, but whose counting?! When I first arrived I was shocked out of my mind and actually texted my mom, "Can I quit?!" This place wasn't what I pictured but after being here for 28 almost 29 days I'm really starting to like it here and the more I think.... I think I may be able to call this home for a year!

About three weeks ago I moved into the main house with the girls to be on 24 hour coverage. It's awesome to be able to be around the girls because it is easier to form relationships with them, however, you barely get time away and that can get draining. There are times when you want to cry because you hurt for the girls, there are times of great laughter and bonding with the girls, there are times where you have to be a stand-in parent and consequence the girls (I actually made up a rap for that and you can check it out at the end of the email), and there are times when you hurt and cry for yourself because you are tired and because you miss the ones you love at home. Love you guys!!!!

I have an awesome room of three girls, they are all so much fun and so different. I cannot use their names because of confidentiality. They are all on different levels - I have a level 5, 3 and 1 (I will explain this in a sec). We have had a lot of fun together. For our first room night we ordered a pizza and went to Point Lookout (which has a beautiful view of Branson) and talked for a few hours and left to get ice cream. It was really great. I also have a co-Big named Emily she is awesome and is getting married in 4 days. I love my room and my co-Big and I can't wait to get to know them more.

So far getting the know the Little's and getting to know the Bigs has been really smooth and exciting! However, I know that this is going to be a tough year sooooooo please please pray for me!!!

here is a little bit of our lingo:

Big - Fellow Leadtimer has the same position as me

Little - all the teens

Level 1 - This means they just got to the program and are 5ft restricted at ALL TIMES, cannot listen or sing any music, they cannot have conversations without a Big in them, they have to ask to go inside every building, they cannot contact home, etc.... etc....

Level 2 - 15ft restricted at ALL TIMES! Can listen approved music and contact home... everything else is the same as level 1

Level 3 - not foot restricted, can listen to approved music and doesn't need to have a Big in all conversations.... Everything else is the same as Level 2

Level 4 - not foot restricted can listen to approved music, can contact home through phone and email, everything else the same as Level 3.

Level 5 - Same as 4 but they are soon going to be graduating and heading home for good!

That's the levels in a nutshell, there really is a lot more to it

Before I go here is the rap: (it's to the Biggy Smalls Song Biggy Biggy Biggy, if you don't know it that's ok) I hope you get it!

Biggy Biggy Biggy can't you see?!

I'm just a Little don't consequence me...

Well let's chill out so before we loose our cool,

Pack your bags and head to school...

That's all for now... talk to you soon!

You all RULE!

For Pictures:
http://www.google.com/search?q=pictures+of+shelterwood+branson&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a